I've been thinking about this off and on for a while now. I just haven't come to a conclusion.
A few feminists I know don't believe in marriage. And with those who do, many don't believe in taking their husband's last name. As for me... I'm still debating. When I was younger, I used to combine my first name and my crush's last name together to see how they sound. I also used to do that with my boyfriends. But as I've gotten older, I began to wonder why I should be taking my husband's name.
Back in older times, most people married for money and to create offspring. Obviously, that has changed (in the U.S. for the most part, anyway). But during those times, the wife was seen as "property" of the man, and that I do not approve of. I know times have changed, but why do women still take the name of the man? Because it's tradition? This may be true, but I really don't agree with this tradition, since it is the tradition of becoming someone's property. During a discussion with one of my friends on this subject, he said that it isn't about being property, but rather anouncing and showing that you've made a special bond with someone. I suppose that could be true, but that's what the marriage is about in the first place. And if you have a ring, that's also the "anouncement" of your bond with someone.
I've been telling people that I refuse to take my husband's name because I don't want to be seen as property, or as Mrs. John Smith. I am my own person, so don't I deserve my own name? Sure, I've thought of hyphenating. I actually think that's a wonderful idea, as do many other people I know. The only problem with that is my last name is very very very hard to hyphenate with. (I would post it, but I prefer not.) And then I thought I could do what my mother did. She kept her last name, but it's now her middle name with my father's last name. But, in a sense, that's awkward for me as well because, again, my last name is very odd. And it's not one of those foreign names. It's an English word, so it would look weird as my middle name. And also, I would still appear as Mrs. John Smith, or Mrs. Sarah Smith (if using my actual first name). But instead, it would be Mrs. Sarah Jones Smith (again, still not using my real name). Regardless, not many people ask to know your middle name, and therefore, keeping your last name as your middle name would defeat the purpose of keeping your name in general. (I think I said the word "name" a bagillion times in that last sentence alone.)
And then there's the issue of marriage in general. So many people get married and divorced several times, and although I'm happy that people actually have that liberty, and are gaining the strength to leave their significant other if they're not happy, I don't really like the idea of getting married and then having to get divorced. I've seen so many relationships fail, so what's the point anymore? People live together all the time without getting married. (In fact, my neighbor does it!) The only point of marriage is the extra benefits you get. But what happens if you want to get divorced? All your benefits go down the drain, and you may end up losing a lot of money in the process, and therefore your ability to keep a roof over your head. Now, I'm not that materialistic at all, but I get very nervous when I can't support myself, or even the prospect of losing my job and/or money to not support myself. I don't want one mistake messing it up.
People get married after being together for a few months, and then some wait a couple years. But how can you know you want to spend the rest of your life with that person after a few months? Or even years? People break up after 5 or 10 years, and then what? Who's to say a relationship really can last your entire life? And if it does, are you truly happy? I've seen very few that are. I used to think my parents were really happy together, but after growing up and really observing them, I've come to the conclusion that my dad doesn't treat my mother as well as he should, but my mom is too in love with him to leave him, or even think about leaving him. Not to mention she has three children which she loves with all her heart, and I know she would hate to leave us. I promised myself a whitle back that I would never, ever, ever end up with someone like my dad. And then I promised myself that I would never BECOME my dad, and I'm working very hard on that because we have the same temper, and it scares me.
Anyway, I'm going off topic. The point is, should I believe in marriage? Should I actually get married? And if I do, should I keep my last name? Or somehow combine my husband's name with my own?
I guess I should just wait till the time comes.
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