And therefore... I shall write about my life and things on my mind, most of which will probably bore everyone to death. I don't blame you for not reading if you would much prefer to indulge in some other activity that would probably be a lot more interesting and/or constructive.
In a few of my earlier entries, I wrote about Dave, this guy I was seeing for a little bit, probably a month or two, and how he was six years older than I. Anyway, he has not left me alone. Over break, he sent me a text, and several messages trying to talk to me, one of which was a very long and heartfelt, yet, I'm sure, very fake. He saw me on campus the other day, and, lo and behold, not five hours later, I recieve a message from him in which he claims to miss talking to me. Not only that, but he has resulted in speaking to my FRIENDS about me. He asked my friend Liz, who is in one of his classes (one of which I almost took!), why I wouldn't talk to him, and she said she wasn't about to get in the middle of it. Not only that, but from what I've heard, Ben was supposed to talk to me for Dave, since apparently Ben still talks to Dave.
You would think that after not responding to four of his messages and one of his texts that he would get the point. But no, his brain lies in the smallest part of his body (which I'm sure I don't have to name) and thus is quite small itself.
Now, seeing as how I crave for someone to love me and feel very strongly about me, I have considered that Dave could, perhaps, be telling me the truth, and that perhaps he really can't get over me because he really does care about me and has the whole time. But then why in God's name would he, A. Have sex with someone else while I was dating him, B. Lie to me about having a girlfriend when he did, C. Get a girlfriend almost directly after breaking up with me, D. Start talking to said girlfriend before he even broke up with me, and E. Treat me the way he did? Elyse says it's because he wants what he can't have, and I do understand that. Perhaps I'm the only girl that he hasn't, in fact, "fucked," and therefore does not feel he completed his "mission" until he has successfully taken away my virginity, which he has no rightful claim to and is one of the last people on earth that deserve it.
And then I have another theory. Perhaps he realized that I was probably one of the best girlfriends he's had. Not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I did put a lot of emotional effort into that short relationship, as I do with a lot of my relationships, be it with a guy or with a friend. He might have realized that it's very rare to find someone like that, who genuinely cares and actually tries. I am far from perfect, and I do have my flaws, just like everyone. He knows I have a wall, but instead of going at my pace and knocking it down brick by brick, he tried to FORCE it down all at once, and even used it against me many times. Not only that, but I don't think he could handle my issues, and the fact that he couldn't scared me. He did, though, admit that he's not used to someone who needed someone to lean on, and that he's usually the one doing the leaning, and that he doesn't have much experience when it comes to being a support system. That still scared me, though. What if NO ONE can deal with my issues? Half the time, I myself can't deal with them! I'm learning to cope, but so much goes on in my head at once that, at times, it's a bit overwhelming. If I can't deal with it, who can?
Anyway, there's a high possibility that I will never talk to him again, unless he actually approaches me, in which case I would do one of three options: 1. Walk away from him and ignore him, like I typically do, 2. Listen to what he has to say, then walk away without a response, or 3. Give him a huge piece of my mind and pray that something will trigger in that tiny brain of his and he'll finally get the idea.
It's funny. Whenever I go through a heartbreak, I write a song about it. I've written a song about Will, which was later a combined meaning after my experience with Eric, I've written a song about Greg, and then about Dave. But also recently, I've written a SECOND song about Dave. That never happens! He doesn't even deserve a second song! Out of everyone I've dated, Greg would be the one that deserves a second song. Dave doesn't. Then again, the song isn't about me pining for him or being hurt, but about how I won't fall for his lines again, and how he won't use me like a toy. If it was about how he hurt me, I would be angry at myself for not being over him, but it's not. It's about being over someone, and realizing that you're not going to let anyone treat you the way they did. So maybe a second song isn't a bad thing; I just hate that it's about him.
So this entry was pretty dense, girly stuff, but I guess even the deepest of thinkers have their moments. And this is my moment.
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