Love is the act of giving yourself to someone completely.

Recently, someone extremely intelligent told me that love is not an emotion. It is not a feeling or the way you look at someone. But rather, love is an action. It's the act of giving yourself to someone completely.

After I heard that statement, a lot of things seemed to make sense for me. I've come to the conclusion that I am afraid of love.

For a bit, before I had been hurt by anyone before, I had been completely willing to fall in love. I think I assumed that if I fell in love with them, they would fall in love with me. And then I was hurt several times, and made the decision that I would not let anyone treat me the way they had in the past. I think with that decision came the fear of love.

I love my family, and that I'm not afraid of, because I know they love me, despite how cold my brothers act, and despite the many arguments my mother and I get into, I know they love me and I love them. And that I'm not afraid of, to an extent anyway.

I'm afraid of meeting people in my life and loving them, but getting screwed over because they don't feel the same way. Not just boyfriends or lovers, but friends. I've loved people in the past and sacrificed much for them as a friend only to recieve nothing in return. Literally nothing, because many of them aren't my friends anymore. I don't want presents. I just want affection.

And the kind of love I fear the most is the love when you're IN love with someone. Especially unrequited love. I don't believe there's a worse feeling than loving someone and knowing that they don't love you back. And then the person you love decides what they want to do with your act: They kindly turn you down without trying to hurt you too badly, or they use it and abuse your affections for them. They take advantage of your love, and when you realize you never meant anything to them, you're torn into pieces. Your heart is ripped out of your chest and kicked around like a soccer ball, cut apart like arts and crafts, splattered upon a wall like a wad of paint. I've seen love destroy people, and that is what I fear. I fear the pain that comes along with the ticklish butterflies. I fear the tears that are paired with the smiles. I fear the burst when your heart is so full of love, and all the person has to do is prick it, and it explodes.

I dream of love, but I fear it. I fear the heartache. I've dreamt of love since I was young, and to realize your dream has turned into a nightmare is scary. It makes you contemplate life a little bit more than you probably should. There really is a fine line between love and hate, or in this case, love and fear. I was in love with the idea of love, and now I fear it. Is that a foreshadowing of what is to come? I'm in love with music, but will there be some point where I fear it? Where I will despise it and cast it away from my life all together?

It's completely surreal, sometimes, how love can control us.

Valentine's Day

I don't think Valentine's Day should simply be about chocolate hearts, cute cards, kisses, heartfelt poems, and romantic dinners. Because, honestly, Valentine's Day in that aspect is overrated. Why should you wait for one specific day out of the entire year to do something special for your significant other? Personally, I think it would be much more romantic if something was spontaneously planned in the middle of October or June, and especially if I didn't see it coming. Wouldn't it surprise you more? On Valentine's Day, most that celebrate that holiday, always plan for something special, and the other person would most likely expect it. Why not impress your lover more with something completely unexpected?

Anyway, I really think the world needs to change the meaning of Valentine's Day completely. Instead of this holiday being simply for couples who try to do sweet things for their lover, why can't it be about love in general? Family love, friend love, pet love, people love, animal love... Just one day, out of the whole the year, where the world can settle down and celebrate the love between those in their life? Where the world can love one another and refrain from acts of hate? Why can't we have one day where every single soul out there fills their heart with love, and let there be no pain, depression, violence, fighting, crime, tears, wars, blood, hungar, fear, or anything that falls into those categories?

This Valentine's Day, I'm going to make an effort to create a day without any negative feelings. I know I can't control everyone around me, but I'm going to smile at strangers, love my friends and family, and wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day, a day dedicated to every kind of love.

Barbie and Ken 101

A close friend of mine showed this to me today. I felt the need to post it here. It had a very powerful impact on me. Almost cried.

This guy, Raphael Casal, free styled this on Def Poetry. It's sad, because every single word of what he said is true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8MVhIiy8UQ

Watch that and read the lyrics below.

Barbie and Ken 101--


Sometimes I feel like I'm sittin' in the back row of Barbie and Ken 101
A class we are all in, but never seem to learn from
Some general ed requirement for
Students of American culture
A GE that convinces even the brightest
Of young women that sex is survival of the thinnest
And I'm sick of this education that doesn't serve our best interests
My teacher has no face
She is every Revelon model women have ever chased
Her lectures come through magazines in beauty shops & add campaigns, 
Shit,
Just turn on your TV.
This just in: a skewed perspective for todays youth, y'all ladies aint thin enough, fellas aint trim enough, wanna be sexy? 
Y'all don't go to the gym enough, cut to commercial
Common just come tune in to our maintenance team,
Convince you're ugly then tell you how to fix it with maybeline
Perpetually started by these dolls marketed in the late 50's named
Barbie and Ken
Hence the class I'm in
Are you following? 
Shit didn't end
They keep moldin' Barbie to fit new trends
Next maybe they'll have club hoppin' Barbie
With thongs as accessories
Video hoe Barbie
Abusive boyfriend sold separately
Underaged Barbie
Cobey Bryant included
Or 9/11 victim Barbie
And Ken is proud to get recruited
Problem is all these teachings are women's decay
And I'm startin' to worry cuz my girl is up front and she's getting an A
This is where I start getting pissed off, ok
When the f**k did it become all about
Tuckin' in the gut, I gotta get the bigger breast
Shit I wanna fit a little better in a dress
So let me get a little skinny, gotta fit into an itty bitty size slimmer so I liven up the chest
Please
Teacher, teacher, I wanna give my oral presentation
Cuz I have a problem with the class, and matter of fact, I have, a fat ass grudge with the whole administration
You're the reason my girl won't eat in front of me in restaurants
The reason that she thinks she's overweight in over ten spots
Less gut, less pudge, less lunch, less real,
Kore looks, more love, more Barbie appeal? 
F**k Barbie and Ken
My future daughter will never play with them
You're the reason bleedin' 15 year old girls arms are slit
You made 12 year olds think skinny was a compliment
And now it's too late
I can't write my way through this bathroom door
So I raise my hand in class cuz I can't stand it any more
Teacher, teacher, your lecture's all backwards 
You got mothers and daughters forgetting what matters 
Cuz above tits, ass, lips, legs, and uggs 
The most attractive women are the ones who don't give a f**k 
So screw your teachings, your lessons and plans 
You skewed sick distant relative of the man 
Your plan for brainwashin' my baby I reject 
I'm walkin' out of this class, and I will proudly take, my F