So many of my friends say boys are complicated. I believe otherwise. And, please, to any guy reading this, I don't mean any offense. I know there are exceptions out there, but my conclusions have come from my encounters. Men, in fact, are very simple creatures, when honest with themselves and others. They let you know what they want, you do it, and they're happy. Unfortunately, most of the time I cannot give a man what he wants due to my own standards and self-respect.
Yes, I am a virgin.
And now some of you are asking, "How old is this girl?"
You can decide that for yourself. How old do I sound?
Anyway, as I mentioned, I have always been the one getting my heart broken, never breaking the hearts. There was one occasion when I did "break up" with a guy, but one, we weren't technically together, and two, he felt no passion for me whatsoever, unless it came to my body, and therefore there is no possible way I could have broken his heart. Besides, he did screw some other girl behind my back and lie to me about "loving me." Sure, I'm a hopeless romantic, but I have yet to meet someone who can fall in love in less than two weeks.
Yes, that fling lasted two weeks. Pathetic, right?
Strangely enough, I went back to my ex-boyfriend after that short incident. Naturally, he played the shoulder cried on, the welcoming arms, the open ears. And, due to my hopeless trust in people and my inability to see how bad a person really can be, I went back to him for about two months.
That was a horrible decision.
Just like Two Weeks Guy, he ended up using me.
Our typical night: Him coming over and hanging out in my basement, watching movies, which turned into clothes discarded onto the floor, then him leaving soon after.
Go out to dinner? An amusement park? Catch a new movie in theaters? Nah, he didn't have any money to do that. He just gambled it all away during the poker nights he spent with his friends. God forbid his "girlfriend" wanted to go out once in a while. Who could possibly get bored of sitting in a basement and "watching movies" all the time? Certainly not him.
Needless to say, that ended soon enough. I got the guts to tell him I didn't want to do this anymore, and that I felt used. Ironically enough, he said the same thing. Funny how he waited to tell me until I was on my period. He had to get enough of my body before my monthly friend, and then call our... "thing" off.
That's okay, he was an idiot anyway.
No, seriously, he was a legit idiot. He couldn't get into this one state school that is ridiculously easy to get into as long as you have decent grades. He tried three times and got rejected every single time. And then he tries to tell ME that I'm the stupid one.
HA.
And then there was Greg. He was the only guy who actually treated me like a person, the best guy I've ever dated. He didn't use me, and he even told me that he wouldn't have sex with me because he knew I wasn't ready.
How many guys do you know that would turn down sex? Honestly?
But looking back, I think he would have been the one person so far that I wouldn't have regretted losing my virginity to, if I did.
Yes, I'm still a virgin.
Greg and I broke up because I was leaving. At first, I failed to see his rationality in the decision, but I do now. He's the only ex-boyfriend I still talk to, and who I'm actually friends with. Granted, it took me a while to get over him, and throughout that summer after our break up, I was a complete mess, but I'm over him now, and looking back, I wouldn't have minded losing my virginity to such a good guy. To be quite honest, I have thought about going back and telling him to take my virginity, but because of my passion, I'm afraid I would develop feelings for him again.
Damn me and my emotions. Or maybe it's damn my morals?
In a way, I'm a hypocrite. Any virgin I meet, I always end up telling them to wait for the one person they trust and care about, and to treasure their virginity. Sadly, a huge part of me does the opposite. At times, I find it more of a burden. People will view you as immature and child-like, perhaps innocent. People find out you're a virgin and they look at you differently. With men, they're either reluctant to take your virginity for fear the girl will get too attached, or they're dying to take it away so he can brag to others that he "nailed a virgin," because apparently, virgins are in high demand for those males that keep score of how many women they've screwed like how many touchdowns they can make in a football game.
I could go on for days about this topic. In this paragraph, I was about to expand my views on the act of sex and how society tends to mistreat it, but I'll save that for another blog. It seems I've over-blogged myself on my first try. For all I know, no soul in the world could give two craps about the ridiculous boys I date, my virginity, and how I seem to be out of place in the world when it comes to sex, along with many other aspects as well.
Until then, happy blogging.
S. Ashleigh
